So I was recently reading a blog that made me question some things about my writing. I get writer’s block sometimes. After reading a post by one of my favorite bloggers, Erica Riva, I’m not so sure if its block or if I’m having a battle within myself. She asked, “As a writer, do you sometimes feel suppressed?” Well the answer to that is an easy one.
My answer is that most of the time I find myself writing for other people rather than writing for myself. I use to write and be extremely open about how I felt. All of that changed when I came across the world of spoken word. At that point, I was no longer writing just for me, I was writing for an audience. I was penning for an audience that could be offended by something that I said. They may judge me because of my feelings or the lack thereof. I shut down in a way. I wasn’t being honest with myself or the audience.
I find something strange. My friend gave me the name PoeticXposure because he says that I expose myself through my poetry. This turns out to be not as true as he would think. I’ve begun to not expose myself to certain people. If there was someone in the audience that I felt would be offended by a piece, I would perform something else. Eventually this will have to stop. I’ve written things that are dear to me, that expose me beyond what I’m comfortable with. Have I performed those pieces? You ask, of course not. Maybe one day soon. Maybe I’ll be comfortable enough to let the world in on how I truly feel, regardless of people’s guarantee to be offended by something I wrote.
With this blog, I find myself not posting things because I’m not sure if I’m being too open or not. I keep reminding myself that this is my life that I’m telling people about, and most of the time, it’s not just my story that I’m telling, its someone else’s. I feel like I’m not being completely honest with my readers, or with myself. So I’ve said all of that to say this. I will live up to my name. I will stop hiding behind what some would say my computer screen. I’ll share more. I’ll give more. I’ll expose more. It’s about time that everyone gets to know the person that I try so hard to hide.
Thank you for reading!