I grew up learning that woman came from man’s rib. There’s the story that God put man to sleep, took one of his ribs and formed woman. So I believed that when a man found his rib, he would know. It would be as though he’d lived his life missing a piece of him and the moment that he was in the room with her, he would feel whole again. Also, the woman would feel at home when she was near him, after all she did come from him. That theory died a little, after years and years of dating men who just weren’t it. I found myself settling for good enough. As long as they loved me slightly, I let it ride. I would give all of my love in hopes that something magical would happen. It never did. Because they just weren’t the one for me. Until the day that I met him.
Let me tell you about my king.
You know the saying, “eyes are the windows to the soul?” Well I never thought that was true until I met Rack. Rack was 6’2 about 300 pounds. He was beautiful. He had skin that reminded me of the motherlands and a smile that rivaled even the best Colgate models. He was quiet and gentle. I secretly gave him the nickname, gentle giant. He was an artist. His persona gave off one of authority and aggression. But I saw something else in his eyes. I saw peace and a story that was waiting to get out. I also saw hurt. I could see that behind that gorgeous smile, something was wrong. I was dying to hear his story one day. But there was one problem. He was married.
Meeting him was like falling in love with yourself after years of wondering why anyone else would.
It’s like getting to know you all over again, when you never knew you should.
You look into their eyes and you’re reflected inside.
You’re not sure where it’s headed but you’re down for the ride.
You’ll ride to the moon with them if it meant more time spent.
It’s so hard to walk away. You wonder where they’ve been.
You wonder if it’s just a phase, but you’re sure there’s more in store.
You’ve never liked to share,
But you like him a little bit more.
You’ll give him all the love because he’s shown so much to you.
It’s non-traditional, but it works for you.
I always told myself that I would never date a married man. So regardless of how he made me feel, I had to let the idea of getting to know him go. He’d never entertain my advances and I had no intentions of advancing past friendship. But there was something in the way he hugged me. It was almost as though he didn’t want to let go. I was comfortable with staying in his arms. But I kept looking past him. There weren’t many times when he’d go out alone. But I looked forward to the times that he did.
One night, he was alone. It was late. We were hanging out among friends and it was a bit chilly outside. I instinctively cuddled up next to him and he didn’t push me away. He welcomed me with opened arms. It seemed like the warmest place to be. In that moment, I knew that he was something special. It felt like I belonged there. I had no clue why he felt so comfortable, so familiar. I had no intentions of finding out. But the way he looked at me when I backed away made me sad. I knew in that moment, that I had to be close to him, that this had to happen. I knew that if he was home, I’d never be sick again.
That night was the start of something beautiful. Friendly text conversations turned into a game of 21 questions. We spent hours messaging about each other’s favorite things, from colors to positions. Nothing was off limits. We were getting to know each other after all. Funny how, I’d known this man for over a year, maybe two. But I didn’t really know him. I honestly didn’t know anything about him other than the fact that he was married. He was an open book and I was nervous. He did everything in his power to make me feel comfortable. He told me to take my time, and I did.
“I can’t believe we’ve never talked before.”
“I can’t either, but I’m glad that we’re talking now, Rack.”
“If you could ask me anything, what would it be?”
“How many times have you been in love?”
“Not many. Maybe twice.”
“I’ve been in love too much to count. But none of them loved me in return.”
“I can’t believe that.”
“Believe it. I really wish that it wasn’t true. But it is. I spent a lot of time trying to prove myself to men who couldn’t reciprocate general feelings for me.”
“I’m not sure how you’ve stayed single for this long.”
“Hopefully, that won’t always be the case.”
“If I have anything to do with it, it won’t.”
I wondered if he was just running game. But he seemed sincere. It was almost as though I was having a conversation with my father. He said all of the right things at all of the right times. But he didn’t come off as a know-it-all. He was genuine. Before ending the conversation, he said something to me that took all of my anxiety away.
“I feel like I’ve known you my whole life. The moment I saw you, I knew that you were someone that I had to know and here we are. Can we keep this going?”
“As long as you’ll have me.”
That was something that I told most people. In the past, I had a bad habit of running men away. I had the tendency to come on too strong. I didn’t want to do the same with him. But he assured me that it was okay to be myself. Hopefully, it wouldn’t be too much. Even with his permission, I chose to keep a lot of my feelings under wraps. After all, he did belong to someone else.