“You made this choice, so you have to take what you can get.”
When you’ve been hearing this your whole life, you start to wonder if you’re making the wrong choices. But you were also raised by a strong woman who taught you to go after what you wanted and to never take no for an answer.
But there’s nothing wrong with telling yourself no sometimes, especially when it’s for your own good.
We go through life wanting to be accepted. When we’re not, it hurts. It also hurts when people misunderstand you. You spend time getting to know people and you show those people your surface. After all, everyone isn’t built to see your heart.
Everyone won’t understand how you can love so deeply even when people don’t love you back. They’ll turn your good deeds into selfish acts. They’ll diminish who you are. They’ll misinterpret your nonchalant nature that protects your open heart from getting damaged for lack of care. And that couldn’t be farther from the truth. You actually care too much, so much that you’ve sacrificed a lot of your dreams for friendships that didn’t last more than a month.
You’ll cry, you’ll pretend not to. You’ll spend most nights feeling like that fifteen year old girl who no one liked. The girl who fell in love too quickly and gave too much. You’ll wish those memories didn’t exist. You’ll be reminded by your best friend that those memories remind you to never go back to that place. You’ll cry on their shoulder. You’ll send them messages in the middle of the night because you know they’re not awake to read them. You’ll wake up the next morning to a love letter in the form of praises and honesty from one of the few people who actually get you.
“You’re beautiful,” they’ll say. “You’re important and forget anyone who thinks otherwise. They may not need you. But you need you. I need you. Fight through this!”
You’ll feel embarrassed because as hard as the night before was, you’ll find joy in the sunlight. You’ll find joy in waking up in the morning. You’ll realize that your emotions are real, even the fleeting ones.
You’ll find your happy in small moments, in passing smiles. You’ll find a smile in your dreams. Peace lives there. You’ll learn to wake up with your dreams still on your heart. Because most days it’s the only thing that’ll keep you going.
You won’t accept “take what you can get.” Because whose right is it to tell what to take. People will force themselves into your thoughts. They’ll try to tell you that you’re less than everything you know to be. They’ll point out your flaws in hopes that they will overshadow the good in you.
You put good things into the atmosphere. You give all the love you can, in hopes that it’ll come back to you. Even when it doesn’t, you’ll know it wasn’t in vain. Because one day there will be a moment when all of the happy that you were looking for, will show up out of nowhere wearing your hopes and dreams proudly. It’ll show up dressed in confidence and beauty. It will be all that you prayed it would be and then some. It’ll remind you of all those nights that you spent wanting to feel accepted. And you’ll see that it never mattered. Because in the end, you found your happy and what you have now, is everything you’ve ever wanted.