April 30 in 30 #2: Goodbye

She cried that night
for the first time in years.
She wouldn’t wish this on her worst enemy
saying goodbye to the only man she ever loved

For the first time in years,
she was able to open up to him
saying goodbye to the only man she ever loved
in the same church that they exchanged vows

She was able to open up to him
more than anyone else she knew.
In the same church that they exchanged vows,
she was forced to say goodbye

More than anyone else she knew
he lived his life on the run.
She was forced to say goodbye
as she spent most of her nights alone

He lived his life on the run
escaping what he thought held him back
as she spent most of her nights alone
for the last time

Escaping what he thought held him back
he left her
for the last time
forcing her to fend for herself

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April 30 in 30 #1: Solitary Heart

He is alone
but not in the way that you would think.
He’s surrounded by one
the only one who seems to see him.
She sees him
through eyes jaded by memories
of ex men
who never really saw her.
She was alone
but not in the way that you would think.
She is surrounded by him
just enough to know that he’s there.
He resists, not giving himself over to her.
She’s a prison on display.
He’s on trial
waiting for his arraignment.
Solitary confinement seems like a good idea.
The loneliness brings a comfort
that he’s grown accustomed to.
All she wants to do is hold him,
the way that a cell has failed to.
He’s escaped
The love that was so freely given to him
to fight for the one’s who can’t support him.
She loves him
for his ability to escape the things that hold him back.
He loves her
for her ability to hold him down.
Yet he fights the feeling.
A love that many don’t understand
yet can’t help but notice.

 

The Unfamiliar Stranger

    Does anyone happen to remember the Familiar Stranger that I wrote about back in June? Well he became slightly more familiar. This could be a good thing, but of course for me, it’s not. For the sake of this blog post, I could easily say that things were great between us, but that would be a lie.

    I hadn’t seen much of him since that first encounter outside of the occasional breakfast run to his place of employment. I happened to run into him on campus about a week ago. I decided to send him a message on Facebook and ask if that was him that I saw. He replied yes. I mentioned that we should hang out sometime. He agreed. Then we exchanged numbers. Keep in mind that he gave me his number first. Then I gave him mine, just so he’d know who I was when I called. He then proceeded to tell me to “hit him up” when I wanted to hang out. Naturally, I took this as an invitation to get to know each other slightly better.

    After being in a lot of bad relationships and realizing the things that I did not want to put up with, I set some personal guidelines. First, if I hadn’t talked to him all day, the first message I sent to him would not be after 10pm, I would not be a booty call. Second, he would not come to my room. Third, I would not go to his place. Fourth, when we did hang out, it would be somewhere public but secluded. I didn’t want to be around everyone else. I just wanted to get to know him. Those were pretty much the basics. All of those things would keep me from making a bad decision that could ultimately lead to me being hurt in the long run.

    I wanted things to be different. I wasn’t as forward as I normally would be. So I sort of put the ball in his court while letting him know I was interested. I asked if he liked coffee. He said he did, so that was the open door for me to invite him to coffee. I took him to my getaway spot, a little coffee shop in the middle of town that not many people know about. We sat, drank coffee, ate, and talked for about two hours. He had to work, so I took him home afterwards. It was nice, I had fun and we agreed that we should do it again sometime. There was a follow up text, which in “girl speak”, is a very good sign. I didn’t have to text him first after a “date” which wasn’t really a date. We were just hanging out. He texted me later that night, and we had a general conversation. I was fairly pleased.

    A day went by and I decided not to text him. I did, however, text him the next day which was two days later. We had a conversation for a few hours. Then he stopped texting me. I was busy that day, so that didn’t faze me much. To make a long story short, I found out later that I was not the only girl that he had been spending time with. Don’t get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. The problem was in the previous lies that he used for reasons why he couldn’t hang out sooner. Another problem was in the way he acted once I saw him with another girl. He looked guilty. Guys!! If you feel like you didn’t do anything wrong, don’t act like you did. This gives us more ammo to shoot at you.

    He looked nervous the entire time that we were around each other. Maybe he was expecting me to cause a scene… I don’t know. But I’m not that girl. Honestly, I didn’t care all that much. I just wasn’t about get played by a guy who couldn’t keep his pants up while in the room with another girl. Besides, he only wasted about a week of my time. I would have to say that’s a record. I’ve never had a guy show his ass so soon. But I’m glad he did. In turn, he saved me a lot of time and him a lot of stress. I wouldn’t have let him get off so easily if he had wasted any more time than he already had. In the end, he wasn’t as familiar as I thought.

So the moral of this story is: If you don’t invest so much of yourself so soon, it won’t hurt so much when it turns out to be another rotten apple.

Laters

VW

Love the Player, Not the Game

It’s right before the 1st quarter and I’m nervous.
It’ll be my 1st play, I’m a rookie in the game.
I see you smile and I forget every play that I was ever taught.
You’re on the offense and it draws me to you even more.
It gives me a reason to approach you.
I move closer to the line of scrimmage,
I need the ball to be in your field, your end zone.
None of these other players really matter,
You’re my number one starter.
You’re in a league of your own,
The most effective wide receiver I know.
The T.O. of your generation,
No one really understands your talent.
They don’t see how much time was dedicated to preparing you for this moment,
Or how much warmth it takes to ease the pain from that sprain of your last heartache,
Warmth that you found in my arms.
I kissed your lips the first time you said hello
I held you in my arms the moment you gave me a hug.
I heard your voice in my dreams, the first time you spoke my name.
Those moments were great,
Minus the moments inside my mind that never existed in reality.
In reality……
Let me hold you the way you hold a football…. Prepared to run those few extra yards to get a touchdown.
But this time, let me be the reason you do a victory dance.
Dance in a way that a college student does to help pay for their tuition.
Like it’s something you must do.
But don’t let Sallie Mae be the reason you stop.
In the end, it’ll just turn out to be another debt you’ll have to pay.
Let me be your cheerleader for the moments when your life coaches aren’t enough.
I’ll be your support system when everyone else seems to be more focused on the plays than on the player.
I’ll hold your mouth guard as you whisper a prayer before your game,
Give you that extra sip of Gatorade when you’re losing too many electrolytes.
I’ll do all of this because you’re my number one draft pick.
But I’ll be here for you long after the contract is void.
Remember that love is eerily similar to a football game.
It’s an entire arena filled with spectators who have no idea what goes on behind the scenes.
It’s a defensive and an offensive line that plays off of each other.
Even with all of the spectators and coaches, in the end only two things matter,
The players and the plays.
Regardless of how many plays you’re given, without a player there’ll be no game.

 

Emotions

Can’t really explain my emotions, I just hope they’re here to stay.
I’ve been let down many times before by boys who called themselves men.
I met you and it seems like forever, I’ve waited to feel this way.
You changed the game; I’m no longer focused on then.
I’m more interested in whatever is to come.
I can’t quite put my finger on what you’ve done.
I just know, I haven’t been this happy in a while,
Things look so much brighter whenever I see your smile.
A smile that deserves to outshine the rest,
No need to look anywhere else, to me their second best.
I’ve never met anyone quite like you. You’re a rainbow after the storm.
Your arms are just the right size that I need to keep me warm.
So stay with me one night, I promise you won’t regret it.
I’m here as long as you need me, and I hope you don’t forget it.

For The one That Got Away

Dear You,

It’s been almost two years since we’ve shared anything more than a hug. I must say that a lot has changed in that time. We’ve become close but distant friends. I remember a time where a day didn’t go by without talking to you. If I was having a bad day it didn’t get better until I saw your face, and what a beautiful face it was. Whenever I needed a hug you would go out of your way to make sure I got it. We had conversations that would last for hours. Conversations that left me wanting to know more about you. The things that we shared made me want to heal all your hurts. I know that might sound odd, but your happiness meant the world to me. Honestly it still does. If you were down, so was I.

You always showed that you genuinely cared for me. Even when we weren’t as close anymore. You always gave me great advice. You graduated from being the one to make me happy to reminding me that I would find happiness one day.

There came a time when I compared new guys to you. I was searching for someone who made me feel the way that you did. I soon discovered that it was almost impossible. I never met anyone like you. They just couldn’t compare. I’m honestly sort of glad. I guess I never really let go of us.

Our hugs seem to be representative of how I feel. You use to hug me for long periods of time. It was secure but not too tight. Before, I felt safe with you but I also knew that you wouldn’t let yourself get too close to me. Now, we hug for long periods of time but a whole lot tighter. My feelings now??? I cherish every hug that I receive from you and I don’t want to let go. It sort of feels like you don’t want to either. Your arms are still the warmest that I’ve ever felt.

*sigh* A ton of emotions came with writing this letter. You’ll probably never even read this, but it was something that I had to get out of my system. I can’t imagine a world without you. You made my world so much brighter. You’re with her now, and you’re the happiest that I’ve ever seen you. I can honestly say that it makes my heart glad. No more painful relationships, she seems to be perfect for you. I wish you many blessings and a lifetime filled with joy.

Love Always,

VW

P.S. About finding someone to make me happy…. There’s this one guy, he comes pretty darn close!! 🙂

If I’m dreaming…… Let me sleep

Have you ever met someone who you were unexpectedly drawn to? I mean, to the extent that you weren’t nervous around them and everything just seemed perfect? Things just flowed, and life was easy?

Well that is exactly how I feel at this very moment about this very person. I can’t lie and say that I don’t get nervous at all. Everyone does at some point. It happens to the best of us. My nervousness, though, comes from past experiences of being let down. Let down in a sense that my feelings didn’t matter. I was afraid to let him know how I felt out of fear that he would run away.

Well he is so funny, that he says something and causes every fear and every butterfly in my stomach to dissipate. I have no reason to fear, because he hasn’t let me down. I’ve never met someone who fits so perfectly into my life. There isn’t a conversation that goes by that I don’t learn something new about him. It’s like I’m getting to know the main character in a movie. A movie that I’ve seen the trailer for, heard people talk about, read the reviews, but haven’t experienced for myself.

He’s like a dream that I haven’t waken up from, and I hope I never do. A story that has the makings of a fairy tale. He’s the perfect guy for me…… Just waiting for him to realize that I can be the woman he needs me to be….

Until then,

VW

The Familiar Stranger

How many of you have ever taken yourself out on a date? Well personally, I tend to do that a lot. I find myself needing to get away from the stresses of this world and be alone. This day was no different. I wanted to go somewhere and be alone. I needed some Me time, if you will. So to a local restaurant I went.

I took a seat in my usual spot between the door and the register. I placed my usual order. As the waitress left my table, in He walks. I knew him from around campus and from his previous relationship with a coworker. He also worked there.

He conversed with his coworkers for a minute. he joked around about them not having My food ready yet. He then placed his order. He ordered a cheesburger with fries. Typical guy food. He then made his way over to my table. He introduced himself. For security purposes we’ll just call him Eddie. I like that name for some reason. He proceeded to have a seat across from me. He asked what I ordered. He proceeded to give me his opinion on my menu choice, which he happened to think was a good one.

He had a flirtatious demeanor about him which in turn made me nervous. I started to laugh which I tend to do when that happens. He made it very clear that he was no longer dating the girl that he was previously seeing. He also asked why was I eating alone. I told him I tend to do that sometimes. He then told me that he noticed. He informed me that he pays attention to the people he serves….. Here comes the blushing. Even though I tend to think I’m too dark to blush, he brought it out of me anyway.

He sat with me for the next hour. We ate and we talked. We both agreed that we enjoyed eachother’s company. He left.

The next week, I was at the local grocery store. it was time to checkout. I proceeded to the shortest line possible and guess who was in front of me…….
Figured it out yet?
You guessed it, it was Eddie.

He smiled at me, I smiled back. I asked how he was, he said he was doing fine. I agreed that I was doing the same. He stumbled over the next few items as he finished checking out, which made me wonder if he was nervous. I know I was.

The moral of this story is, forget what mom said about not talking to strangers, it’s always a pleasant surprise to run across this familiar stranger.

The thing that makes him even more intriguing, he never once asked for my number!!

Until next time!

VW

*Disclaimer* I am in no way condoning talking to strangers…… But I’m grown!! 🙂

To the Man who Spends His Free Time Writing

To the man who spends his free time writing……

I’ve been waiting my entire life to meet you.
Meet the man who can turn a blank page into a canvas.
A canvas for the wonderful images that rest inside of your mind.
The same man who can turn those images into spoken word.
I’m intrigued by your style, the way you wear your clothes.
Your wardrobe screams poet.
It sets you apart from the other wannabes.
No more people who just write poems, you’re the real deal.
Afraid to introduce myself, I let my words define me.
Speaking in a way that I never thought I could,
You made me want to be a better artist.
While struggling to get my name out…
Your vocal chords introduced you as amazing.
They told me that I had to step my game up if I were to compete with you.
But it wasn’t about competing; I was just honored to share the mic.
Then I met you and I could see why your voice would brag, it spends every day with you.
I was happy just to share the moment.
In the back of my mind, hoping to learn all that I can from you
While giving you the opportunity to learn a few things from me.
I said all of this to say…..
I want to be the inspiration behind your words,
The reason for the sound behind your vocal chords….
 
Sincerely, a girl who spends her free time reading.

Untitled

I prayed for the type of man I wanted to marry.

And then I prayed for you.

That same boy who cried the first time we broke up,

Now I’m the one crying over you.

 

Just a short poem that I wrote about how I was feeling at the moment. There wasn’t even a need for a title. My emotions were sudden and so was the poem. I must say that I didn’t expect to feel this way but it just happened, surprise! surprise!

VW