Journey Through Love (A Poetry Collection)

 

Journey Through Love

 

Journey Through Love (A Poetry Collection)

Excerpt:
“No one ever told me that love would be a journey.
That I would be backpacking through the windows of your past
boarded to hide the things you’re ashamed of.
Skating by your insecurities in order to ease the pain.
Knee deep in the only ocean that separates you from your truth.”

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When Hip-Hop Becomes your Best Friend

 

when-hip-hop-becomes-your

It was a usual Sunday night and I browsed my twitter feed. There was the usual riff raff and the know-it-alls prancing through my timeline. Then I saw it, the tweet that made me want to know the definition of soul mate. “Some of my best girl friends know the lyrics to Common ‘I Use to Love Her’.” Being the opportunist that I am, I replied, “I’m not your best friend but…. I met this girl when I was ten years old, and what I love most she had so much soul.” We quoted nearly the entire song. And so began a beautiful friendship. We chatted about Hip-Hop and poetry. Common and Tupac quotes turned into poetry and monologues of the Harlem Renaissance.

From that first conversation, I just knew that he was too good to be true. He made me want to know more, to the extent of sharing everything with him. He became my friend, my confidant, my refuge in the time of storm. We were so much alike. It was as if God had created him especially for me.

Being sensitive to things of the spiritual nature, it was always hard for me. I carried everyone’s burdens on my shoulders, which oftentimes caused me to break down emotionally. He understood this and so much more,

But something happens when

The only thing keeping you from break(ing)
is his dance and the sound of his voice
through the speakers in your stereo,
and you’ve learned the true meaning of love.

When you’ve grown fond of your hips
instead of the way he hops into bed with you,
you’ll learn to love yourself.

To say I grew fond of him would be an understatement. He was the Hip-Hop head that was the true definition of the thing. I listened to his music and became his biggest fan. I supported him in all that he dreamed. His dreams became my dreams and he pushed me to pursue mine.

He’ll give you the push you need
to no longer need him.

I use to think that I was more in love with the idea of falling in love than all of the guys who said they loved me before. A hopeless romantic’s job is almost impossible with no one to share that charm.

I had witnessed something that was beyond imaginable. I had experienced Hip-Hop in the flesh, the actual being, the perfect verse over a beat that hadn’t been written yet.

You’ve loved Hip-Hop longer than you’ve loved yourself
and it seems only right that he appeared out of thin air,
like a mixtape drop in the middle of the night.

I had settled for less than what I deserved most of my life. I had given 100% to men who only offered me 50%. They short changed me and left me wanting more.

Your pusher stands outside waiting
for you to get your fix.
It’s been your fix for far too long.

You waited and he appeared,
posing as the new kid on the block.

Only he’s different.
He resonates truth
and hope for something you no longer thought existed.

He gave me a reason to travel. If he could make my heart flutter from 200 miles away, who knew what would happen in person. I made that leap, drove 3 hours to meet him. His aura was one that I will never forget. Just to feel his arms around me, was like finally being at home after years of sleeping in shelters. We talked as though we had known each other our entire lives. We shared our deepest secrets over a game of pool. We talked music, family, goals, and books over Chinese. We walked and listened to hip-hop. We experienced nature together.

He shared his heart with me in the lyrics of his rhymes. I stood and watched him speak words memorized. He spit lyrics with ease. I witnessed a lion in his habitat. I could feel his passion in the way he spit. His heart seeped through his pores.

He bled the art
And you wouldn’t mind being the vessel
To which it flows

I met my best friend, my kindred soul, and my fellow Hip-Hop head.

He is the reason I question all things past. The reason I finally know the meaning of the word prototype. I can honestly say that I’m happy with him being a part of my life in any form. I’m just glad to have the ability to experience such a Godsend, such a miracle. Writing has literally saved my life and so has he. I thank God for my life and for his. He offers me such peace and he’s what I imagine serenity looks like. I’d give him the world if was mine to give, but instead I pray that God gives him the desires of his heart.

He deserves it, because he helped me find mine.

Where Serenity Resides

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”

                                                    –Reinhold Niebuhr “The Serenity Prayer”

He’s a King covered in peace.
The physical appearance of serenity.
Crowned in favor that others can’t seem to understand
His castle is the universe
He’s the ruler of his journey
to peace.
He’s gentle courage, giving me the ability to change what I can.
He’s verbal wisdom, helping me to know the difference.
He’s the outward manifestation of an inward prayer
that blinds me every time he appears.
I see him and I can’t tell the difference
between reality and my dreams.

What to do when your dream is staring you in the face
bragging about not being another nightmare?
He’s the dream that I don’t have to wake up from.
He’s become the reality
That I stopped searching for.

He wears his power in his Crown.
No need to question the source
The most high is his plug.
His ultimate healer,
ultimate leader.
The creator of he.
The reason I be-
came the woman I am
for him, his rib
The missing help,
and the reason I never needed any.
He was there receiving power from the source
sharing the extra with me
through his words.
Dropping rubies that led me to him,
The king,
on a throne
Fit to be shared
With me.

The addiction I couldn’t get clean from.
Don’t let them tell you that your keys won’t fit.
The locksmith is not welcome here.
When you’ve found a home
Less than perfect,
A place to lay your head
When the heaviness is too much to bear.
Don’t let them take your peace
that only came when he arrived
and gave you a reason to move
into a place of solace.

When serenity resides in a man
who gives the word justice,
you’ve found a home worth sharing.

April 30 in 30 #7: To the Man who Shares my Dreams

Let’s take a trip to Harlem
On the backs of angels,
Defer the dreams of those that never believed.

We share the dreams
Of a sleepless generation
Caused by waking hours
Of dreamless conversations
That we’ve grown to despise.

Loners in a room
Of those unable to be alone.
We’ve mastered the art
And the ability to dream.

I pray that you don’t sleep
That reality takes the place of your dreams
That you’re blinded by the stars that shine through your eyes

I wish for lonely nights
That cause you to look elsewhere for companionship
For moments of doubt
That lend time to pray for guidance.

I pray that you get homesick
That you become dissatisfied
With your current living conditions.
That you look forward to your eviction.

They’ve placed a notice on your dreams
For the lack of deposits
And allowed me to move in
I had been waiting to see what it’s like
to experience the dreams of someone else.

Then I met you,
The dream chaser
Placed a down payment on your heart
Asked for insurance
To fully cover
The damages that you incurred from past relationships
Turned nightmares
Into dreams worth staying asleep for.

 

30 in 30 #5: Awkward Silence

I fell for you the way a kid trips over his new shoes on his first day of school.
I’ve tried many times to protect myself
from bruises that seemed to develop behind my elbow pads.
You made me realize that I’m not as cool as i thought.
I’m awkward in every sense of the word.
But i guess that means we’ll blend together perfectly
Awkward silence that noone else seems to understand yet we’re comfortable here.
This is home to us.
In a room full of people yet the only ones we see are us.
We share the need to be alone
so much that we’ve mastered the art of doing it
together we’re alone.
When we’re alone, we’re together
Speaking without really speaking at all.
Telepathy if you will.
Our silence speaks volumes
to those around us
causing them to wonder
about what goes on inside our minds.
We’ve shared this for far too long.
We’ve been here even longer.

April 30 in 30 #2: Goodbye

She cried that night
for the first time in years.
She wouldn’t wish this on her worst enemy
saying goodbye to the only man she ever loved

For the first time in years,
she was able to open up to him
saying goodbye to the only man she ever loved
in the same church that they exchanged vows

She was able to open up to him
more than anyone else she knew.
In the same church that they exchanged vows,
she was forced to say goodbye

More than anyone else she knew
he lived his life on the run.
She was forced to say goodbye
as she spent most of her nights alone

He lived his life on the run
escaping what he thought held him back
as she spent most of her nights alone
for the last time

Escaping what he thought held him back
he left her
for the last time
forcing her to fend for herself

April 30 in 30 #1: Solitary Heart

He is alone
but not in the way that you would think.
He’s surrounded by one
the only one who seems to see him.
She sees him
through eyes jaded by memories
of ex men
who never really saw her.
She was alone
but not in the way that you would think.
She is surrounded by him
just enough to know that he’s there.
He resists, not giving himself over to her.
She’s a prison on display.
He’s on trial
waiting for his arraignment.
Solitary confinement seems like a good idea.
The loneliness brings a comfort
that he’s grown accustomed to.
All she wants to do is hold him,
the way that a cell has failed to.
He’s escaped
The love that was so freely given to him
to fight for the one’s who can’t support him.
She loves him
for his ability to escape the things that hold him back.
He loves her
for her ability to hold him down.
Yet he fights the feeling.
A love that many don’t understand
yet can’t help but notice.

 

Love the Player, Not the Game

It’s right before the 1st quarter and I’m nervous.
It’ll be my 1st play, I’m a rookie in the game.
I see you smile and I forget every play that I was ever taught.
You’re on the offense and it draws me to you even more.
It gives me a reason to approach you.
I move closer to the line of scrimmage,
I need the ball to be in your field, your end zone.
None of these other players really matter,
You’re my number one starter.
You’re in a league of your own,
The most effective wide receiver I know.
The T.O. of your generation,
No one really understands your talent.
They don’t see how much time was dedicated to preparing you for this moment,
Or how much warmth it takes to ease the pain from that sprain of your last heartache,
Warmth that you found in my arms.
I kissed your lips the first time you said hello
I held you in my arms the moment you gave me a hug.
I heard your voice in my dreams, the first time you spoke my name.
Those moments were great,
Minus the moments inside my mind that never existed in reality.
In reality……
Let me hold you the way you hold a football…. Prepared to run those few extra yards to get a touchdown.
But this time, let me be the reason you do a victory dance.
Dance in a way that a college student does to help pay for their tuition.
Like it’s something you must do.
But don’t let Sallie Mae be the reason you stop.
In the end, it’ll just turn out to be another debt you’ll have to pay.
Let me be your cheerleader for the moments when your life coaches aren’t enough.
I’ll be your support system when everyone else seems to be more focused on the plays than on the player.
I’ll hold your mouth guard as you whisper a prayer before your game,
Give you that extra sip of Gatorade when you’re losing too many electrolytes.
I’ll do all of this because you’re my number one draft pick.
But I’ll be here for you long after the contract is void.
Remember that love is eerily similar to a football game.
It’s an entire arena filled with spectators who have no idea what goes on behind the scenes.
It’s a defensive and an offensive line that plays off of each other.
Even with all of the spectators and coaches, in the end only two things matter,
The players and the plays.
Regardless of how many plays you’re given, without a player there’ll be no game.

 

Emotions

Can’t really explain my emotions, I just hope they’re here to stay.
I’ve been let down many times before by boys who called themselves men.
I met you and it seems like forever, I’ve waited to feel this way.
You changed the game; I’m no longer focused on then.
I’m more interested in whatever is to come.
I can’t quite put my finger on what you’ve done.
I just know, I haven’t been this happy in a while,
Things look so much brighter whenever I see your smile.
A smile that deserves to outshine the rest,
No need to look anywhere else, to me their second best.
I’ve never met anyone quite like you. You’re a rainbow after the storm.
Your arms are just the right size that I need to keep me warm.
So stay with me one night, I promise you won’t regret it.
I’m here as long as you need me, and I hope you don’t forget it.

To the Man who Spends His Free Time Writing

To the man who spends his free time writing……

I’ve been waiting my entire life to meet you.
Meet the man who can turn a blank page into a canvas.
A canvas for the wonderful images that rest inside of your mind.
The same man who can turn those images into spoken word.
I’m intrigued by your style, the way you wear your clothes.
Your wardrobe screams poet.
It sets you apart from the other wannabes.
No more people who just write poems, you’re the real deal.
Afraid to introduce myself, I let my words define me.
Speaking in a way that I never thought I could,
You made me want to be a better artist.
While struggling to get my name out…
Your vocal chords introduced you as amazing.
They told me that I had to step my game up if I were to compete with you.
But it wasn’t about competing; I was just honored to share the mic.
Then I met you and I could see why your voice would brag, it spends every day with you.
I was happy just to share the moment.
In the back of my mind, hoping to learn all that I can from you
While giving you the opportunity to learn a few things from me.
I said all of this to say…..
I want to be the inspiration behind your words,
The reason for the sound behind your vocal chords….
 
Sincerely, a girl who spends her free time reading.